Colloquialisms

I did not realize I had a twang until I moved to NYC and then 4 months later visited family for the holidays.  It bugged me, because I thought Kansas City was rather accent-neutral, but I have come to terms with the twang and, quite honestly, have come to like it.  Maybe its because I'm so over this city and its Brooklynisms and Long Islandisms.  Anyways, with the twang also comes phrases than drive Nathan absolutely bonkers.  I've had a few other New England or New York raised friends also balk at these, either finding them funny and endearing or just peculiar.  Another one popped out the other day, and it brings me endless humor to expose Nathan to these phrases.

What are they?  They aren't that creative.  The first is oftentimes.  A former roommate with a secret love of grammar always claimed that it is a double statement since often already describes a frequency of times and thus the times is repetitive and should not be included, whereas sometimes correctly quantifies times by the use of some.  Well, seeing as how oftentimes is to my knowledge a valid entry in the OED -- I win!  I also find it interesting that this same former roommate asserts the incorrect number of periods necessary for use of an ellipsis.  He uses only two dots ".." for every instance, whereas accurate punctuation requires three dots "..." mid sentence or three dots followed by a period "...." as the end of a sentence.  I may not have a stellar vocabulary, but those things instilled in me early by Mrs. Black (the engligh and newpaper queen at the former Hickman Mills High School) are strong and true.  Regardless though, the debates with said former roommate became unnecessarily heated in a way that I no longer use the term.  And yet I year almost everyone else using it, including those educated with doctorates and with years of experience.

The next is sh*t ton.  When I use it regarding my own affairs, Nathan gives me another of his "you've got to be kidding me" looks.  N: "Sh*t ton?"  Me: "Yes. Sh*t ton."  N: "Why can't you just say 'a lot'?"  Me: "Because I have a twang and I need em-PHA-sis."  And then Nathan just shakes his head.    Sh*t ton is meant to describe when there is an obscene amount of something that you find more than a little distasteful or annoying, hence adding the tone of the first word.  I was momentarily vindicated when I used the term in a conversation about baseball, of which he is mightily, at times almost fixatedly concerned whereas its one of few sports I just can't get into aside from cheering against the Yankees.  I don't remember how the term was used exactly, but it probably had something to do with talking down about the Yankees the day that the ever-so-sad Royals beat them by an obscene amount of runs.  I pointed out that he understood exactly what I meant.  Nathan replied that yes, it made sense, but real english could also have been employed.  At least it was a small, partial victory.  My younger brother Sam's suggestion was to next time use metric sh*t ton.  Nicely done, little one.  Nicely done.

I also use my Gramma's term hot spit every once in a while.  There's no getting Nathan to even remotely understand this term of excitement, so I usually let him have his moment of giving me the look and move on.  Then there's the use of the silly this-them-that-there.  Nathan's response: "Why?!?"  Me: "Because I needed silly em-PHA-sis.  And why not?"  Again he shook his head, and I let the subject drop.  

To Nathan's credit, he merely strives to be understood correctly.  I greatly appreciate that this means he simultaneously tries to understand me correctly.  He also indirectly challenges me to be a better person, which I think should be a part of any relationship.